I Did What With Lucius?
by DarthObsydian
Summary: Severus Snape is introuduced to the world of Fan Fiction. At first, he just sees it as the perverted musings of muggles with way too much time on their hands. However, as the days drag on, Severus slowly begins to realize the damaging affects it can have. *Now translated in French, courtesy of HeartSerenade. Feel free to go check it out!*


"I did _what_ with Lucius?" Snape thrust the rolly chair up against the wall in horror. "That's absolutely revolting! Who wrote this?"

"It's called Fan Fiction, Severus," Dumbledore said, his eyes warm and understanding behind his half moon spectacles. "It's-"

"Bloody slander is what it is," Snape said. He attempted to leave the room, but Dumbledore caught him by the shoulders and plopped him back down in the seat.

"It's not slander, Severus. These are stories sprung forth from the creative minds of your fans."

Snape blinked. "I have fans?"

"A great many of them, actually; even after…" Dumbledore said, casting a reluctant glance towards the stack of books in the corner. "Well, let's just not talk about that."

"Not talk about what," Severus asked, his sallow skin becoming even paler.

Dumbledore shook his head, "I don't think you're ready for that just yet."

The Headmaster leaned forward and moved what he called a 'mouse' around on the desk and, after a series of clicking noises, stepped back so that Severus could see the new page he had pulled up. Severus, careful as he dare, inched forward until the tip of his nose was pressed up against the screen. What he saw next baffled him.

Snape/Harry

Snape/ Hermione

Snape/ Draco

Snape/ Neville

Snape/ Hagrid

Snape/ O.C…

"What's an O.C.?"

"From my understanding, it stands for an 'Original Character'. The people create someone from the deepest, darkest, recesses of their mind and then set them up as your love interest." Snape stared up at Dumbledore, disgusted, but Dumbledore took no notice. "Although sometimes it's not even a love interest; it's more of a love affair. Male or female, these people really don't seem to care which way as long as it happens. It's really quite interesting when you think about the dynamics of such a… Severus, are you alright? You're looking rather ill?"

Snape tried to calm his breathing as he lifted a shaky finger to the bold, black words in the center of the screen, which he moved the rodent over for emphasis.

**Snape/ Dumbledore**

The Headmaster shrugged his shoulders in a good natured way and laughed. "As I said Severus, the fans are quite creative."

Snape gulped, and shook his head. "I understand that the minds of these muggles are barbaric and perverse at best. However," Snape said. "Why is this story marked in 'Favorites'?"

"Oh look at the time," Dumbledore exclaimed. "I almost forgot, I have a meeting with the Minister of Magic at seven this evening," he said, pulling out his pocket watch. "I better be off!"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "But it's only two."

Dumbledore patted Snape on the back and turned towards the door. "Well, you know how I hate to be late; Toodle-loo!"

Then, the Headmaster was gone, leaving Snape awestruck, inquisitive, and close to vomiting. With great difficulty, Snape forced himself to look at the screen just long enough to move the rodent to a little red 'X' in the corner and sent the incriminating debauchery to crawl back into the web it came from.

* * *

><p>It had been two weeks since the Headmaster had introduced him to the muggle creation known as Fan Fiction and his life since then had been nothing less than paranoia. Everywhere he turned, he saw the black letters, clear and crisp against the white screen. Everywhere he went he felt as if he was being studied, stalked, scrutinized- all for the purpose of fulfilling some minor's sick fantasies.<p>

_God, why did you make me so bloody attractive?_

No wonder he was always being ridiculed. His sour demeanor, greasy hair, and snarky comments had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Truth was they were all jealous!

That was the only logical explanation Snape could think of.

All this Snape surmised whilst he sat grading papers on archaic poisons. This thought brightened his spirits and a small smile formed in the corner of his mouth. Everything made perfect sense to him now!

"Excuse me, Professor Snape," said a nasally voice in front of his desk.

In an instant Severus's cheer vanished. He looked up to see Draco Malfoy standing in front of him with a cocky smirk glued in place. Upon seeing his Head of House's look of terror, Draco was prompted to ask-

"Are you alright Professor?"

Snape's eyes welled up with tears and he could feel the words creating a hard lump in his throat.

"I could have been your mother," Snape whispered.

Draco's smirk vanished. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing," Snape hissed, wiping at the tears with a small hankie from his pocket. "Can I help you with something?"

Draco looked unnerved, "Never mind sir, it can wait." He turned and practically ran for the open dungeon door.

Snape's heart skipped a beat as desperation set in. He knew he shouldn't, but he just couldn't stop himself. "Mr. Malfoy," Snape yelled, leaning heavily over his desk.

"Yes Professor?" Draco asked, and to Snape's displeasure, he looked reluctant.

Snape swallowed hard, "Tell your father… I said hello."

* * *

><p>Snape rubbed his eyes fighting back the drowsiness threatening to overcome him; it had been three days since he last slept. Every time he laid down to rest horribly detailed images penetrated his consciousness, ripping apart his sanity with more ferocity than would a lioness in the heat of a hunt.<p>

The strange, sexual fantasies created by those on that despicable muggle website had infected every common mode of thinking Snape possessed, finding the means to leak through and flood his memory during every single common place activity he partook in.

While stirring potions he often imagined someone, McGonagall perhaps, come in requesting a special_ favor_ (usually one that required taking his pants off.) That one in particular made staff meetings an awkward place for Snape.

Sometimes, however, it was Neville Longbottom who came into his office, after hours, and requesting a special tutoring session in Snape's private office.

Typically by the time Snape could force his mind back into reality, his brew would have spilled over and an entire day's work would be lost.

Now, Snape had made a late night trip to the library in search of some light reading to get his mind out of the deep end of the perversity pool. The plan would have been a success if he had not caught a glimpse of the bushy haired girl seated at one of the tables surrounded in mountains of books and parchment. Snape noted the way her brow was creased in thought; the dark circles under her eyes caused by sleep deprivation gave her an older, more majestic look than any of the other students he had taught.

Snape froze. _Oh no, not again!_

As if reading his mind, Hermione looked up and, startled, began gathering all of her materials, shoving them into her bag. "Professor! I'm sorry, I was just trying to finish, I was…"

"Miss Granger, I couldn't care less what your excuses are. You are out of bed after hours and you better make it back to your house now before I am minded to take you on this table right now you sexy little know it all."

Hermione looked beyond mortified, "Yes sir, I'm so sorry I just…" Hermione dropped the book she was holding and Snape could see that his words were finally sinking in. "Forgive me sir, but could you repeat that last part?"

"Detention Miss Granger!" Snape could feel the beads of sweat forming as he tried to _save face_, "For loitering!"

Snape could see his blunder was forgotten as Hermione's shoulders slumped under the weight of her punishment. The Potions Master watched as the Hermione, humiliated, rushed out of the library to her chambers. Snape looked around making sure there were no witnesses to what had just happed and then, determined, headed off in search of the Headmaster.

* * *

><p>On his way to Dumbledore's office, Severus kept his head down, afraid of what his mind would do upon seeing a familiar face. He was practically in full sprint when he collided with the massive figure that sent him sprawling on his back.<p>

"Professor Snape! I'm so sorry, I didn't see ya there," said Rubeus Hagrid, helping a dazed Snape back to his feet. "Let's just brush yah off a bit and ye should be just fine."

Snape blinked several times before finally coming back to his senses. However, much to his own horror and disgust, the only things that popped into his mind was how much he'd love to be an animal in one of Hagrid's cages.

Snape shook his head stepping back away from the half giant. Hagrid looked worried, "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Oh, you know me; I like it Rough and Hairy." Snape gasped, "NO! NO! That wasn't supposed to come out! I didn't mean to say that!"

Hagrid smiled, a little uneasy. "You know professor, I know it's hard for you to talk to people, but if you have all these feelings inside of you, there's no need in keepin' em' in."

Snape gagged, "Oh God…"

He didn't bother waiting for a response. Snape turned on his heel and ran full force to the Headmaster's office, bursting open the doors, his breath gone from the effort of screaming and crying simultaneously.

"Where are you old man!" The past few weeks had been Hell, and now every minute of his torture was evident in the lines of his face.

"Just one moment Severus," said the warm, familiar voice from a room at the top of the stairs. "I'll be right there."

Snape nodded and tried to calm himself. He sat down in a chair and closed his eyes. With every second that passed, his breathing became steadier. Before long, he began to feel like the old Severus again. Maybe he was just over reacting; perhaps his sudden case of disturbia was just a byproduct of stress. How long had it been since he had taken a vacation?

Snape wondered what was taking Dumbledore so long; it wasn't like him to keep him waiting like this. It was then that Snape noticed the bound stack of papers on Dumbledore's desk. For some reason that he could not name, Snape decided it prudent to examine them at once, but what he saw on the title page caused him to throw the stack down and stumble back in a fit of panic:

_**The Potion of Love **_

By A. Dumbledore

"Just a little longer Severus, I'm almost ready."

Snape shook his head in disbelief. "You're sick, old man! Sick I tell you!"

"Ah," Dumbledore said, finally making his slow descent from the top floor. "I see you've found the story."

Snape was beyond livid. "What is this!"

Dumbledore smiled, "It's strange, isn't it? How this fiction is capable of consuming every waking moment of your day. It's quite easy to become, well, _obsessed_!"

"Is that what this is? You're new obsession," Snape spat, pointing to the story on the desk.

"Now, now, Severus, calm down," Dumbledore said.

"Calm down! Calm DOWN! Do you have any idea how far my brain has wondered these past few weeks? I'm going completely insane! And it's all _your_ fault!"

Dumbledore looked uneasy. "You look quite beside yourself, Severus. No wonder we had that little incident on page 596 of the _Half Blood Prince_."

"How do you know that name?"

Dumbledore mumbled something and shook his head.

Snape gaped at him, close to tears. "You know what… it doesn't even matter. I'm done, I give up! You win…"

The Headmaster took a step forward, his eyes sparkling with delight. "Does this mean…?"

"Just shut up and give me the damn story," Snape said, looking utterly defeated.

Dumbledore perked up. "Oh Severus, I think you're going to just absolutely love this one!" The Headmaster handed Snape the papers and sat on the edge of the desk looking thoughtful. "Hmm now that I've got you hooked on Fan Fiction perhaps I should move on to role playing…"

"What?"

"Never mind. Perhaps that belongs in another story."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I plan to go back through and edit some more, but I hope you enjoyed yourself anyway!**

**I just felt the urge to write a little one shot (A real one shot since all mine usually turn into chapter stories)**

**If you liked it, or didn't, give a _REVIEW!_**

**& Keep an Eye out for my other stories.  
>At the moment, I'm taking requests so feel free to PM me at anytime!<br>**

**Always,  
>Mia<strong>


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